If you’ve ever played pickup ball before you played with these types of guys: Athletic, capable of the spectacular play, a knack for scoring – but they wouldn’t know how to you find on a backdoor cut if Pete Carrill jumped up and slapped them in the face. They are incapable of playing team ball but are just not quite good enough to win. Well these guys exist in the NBA too. As a kid, I used to wake up almost every morning and read the box scores and comb them over, looking for lines that stuck out to me – there was something very exciting to me about a good NBA stat line as kid (and even today). Well one thing I never understood was Cedric Ceballos’s stats. He always had good stats yet there was something about him, that when you watched him play you felt like you skipped dinner and instead ate 9 honey buns. You just felt a little gross.

When I got older, I realized that that the Cedric Ceballos’s of the world were very necessary. You see, the NBA is a business and even the teams with no shot of winning a title, they still have to sell tickets and buckets sell tickets. Enter Cedric Ceballos. So in honor of Cedric Ceballos, I came up with the Cedric Ceballos All Stars, guys  who put up number and entertained us for years in the NBA, but when measured by wins, were simply empty calories.

So here you have the Cedric Ceballos All Stars:

First Team

PG – Stephon Marbury
SG – Mitch Richmond
SF – Cedric Ceballos
PF – Clarence Weatherspoon
C – Al Jefferson

10. Shawn Marion & Erick Dampier vs. Their Old Teams
Ok so no one really cares about these two plots but there’s some definitely some irony of Errick Dampier being such a critical component to the Mavericks 2006 Finals melt down yet now he has chance to win a title for The Heat against the Mavericks

9. DeShawn Stevenson vs. Lebron James
These guys don’t like eachother, that’s for damn skippy. Disagree, watch this.

8. Jason Terry vs. Mike Bibby
Two college teammates who won it all together at Arizona, now are duking it out for their first title. If I told you this storyline in 2005, you’d have guessed that Terry was the journey/borderline scrub in this matchup yet that’s exactly where Bibby finds himself.

7. Jason Kidd vs. Lebron and Wade
Bill Simmons made an interesting point in an article shortly after the Jason Kidd to Dallas trade; that Jason Kidd’s 2008 Olympic teammates gave him in an inordinate amount of respect. From Kobe to Lebron, these guys all see Kidd as the ultimate leader for some reason and when they play each other, it shows. Hrrm…it will be interesting to see how this plays out.

6. Bennett Salvatore vs. The Mavericks
Any Maverick fan and most basketball fans can tell you that despite Dwyane Wades unbelievable run in the 2006 Finals (where he set the record for most free throws in Finals history), he had a lot of help from the officials. The most notable of those officials being one Bennett Salvatore. It was Bennett Salvatore who made one of the worst calls to swing an NBA championship in Finals history when he whistled this call (out of position, no less):

5. Is Dirk Good Enough?
Mavericks fans love Dirk. He’s definitely the most beloved Maverick of all time. No doubt about it. But deep, deep inside the small intestine of every Mavs fan, there lies some doubt that Dirk doesn’t have the ability to carry us to a title. That seed was planted in 2006 and watered steadily in the 2007 collapse against the Golden State Warriors, where Matt Barnes & Co. gave the NBA the ‘Blueprint’ on how to beat the Mavs: ‘PUNK’EM‘. The not so subtle message here being that the Dirk led Mavs are soft. It will be interesting to see if Dirk can exercise these demons this year.

4. 2006 Finals Rematch
After the 2006 NBA Finals, the Mavericks and their fans had a sour taste in their mouth that has lasted about 5 years. This included some back and forth between Dirk and Dwyane Wade that had Dirk saying the Mavs ‘gave’ the series away and Wade saying that it was Dirk’s lack of leadership that allowed Miami to win. Fast forward 5 years and there’s still no love lost and what’s at stake is if the Miami Heat win they will be able to claim complete dominance over this tortured Mavericks franchise and send them into what is sure to be a Buffalo Bills like legacy. A Mavs win on the other hand, would be ironic in every sense of the word being that they were the heavy favorites in 2006 much like the Heat are now.

3. Miami’s Big 3 vs. Dallas’ 9 Man Rotation
In my opinion this is the most critical factor in this series. The Mavericks boast a level of depth that the Heat have not seen this season with Dirk, Terry, Chandler, Kidd, Stevenson, Peja, Haywood, Barea and Marion, all of whom present their own matchup problems for the Heat. That being said, if Miami can get their usual superstar numbers from Lebron,  Wade and Bosh while somehow getting anything from their role players, they will not be beat.

2. Can Lebron Get his 1st Title?
This is the big storyline for basketball fans everywhere who have been waiting for Lebron to pick up the basketball icon torch previously carried by Magic, Bird, Jordan and most recently Kobe Bryant. Only problem is there’s some debate among hoops junkies whether Lebron has the ability to carry a team here.

1. The Evil Empire vs. The Good Guys
Since The Decision, no team has been the target of such hate like the Heat and their three superstars, two of which defected from small markets to form this super team or ‘The Heatles’ as they now refer to themselves. It was the decision that now has every Cleveland and Toronto fan wearing Mavs gear and cheering on Dirk & Co. It’s a safe bet to say the basketball community is rooting for the Mavericks, who’s collection of veterans and do-gooders is the best collection of a ‘team’ Jimmy Chitwood laced them up for Hickory High.

Sad KD

So I just saw a graphic on ESPN2 saying that in the last 15 years, there have been 67 instances of a team leading by 15 or more with less than 5 minutes to go in the NBA Playoffs. In those 67 instances, only once has a team come back and won the game. We all just witnessed it, this lone outlier of a game. The Mavs hung around all night and were in striking distance distance until the 4:48 mark when Kevin Durant hit a three to put the lead up to 15  at which point my buddy Jacob (a die hard Spurs fan, no less) and I looked at each other and said; “well that’s ball game”. We were both sitting on my living room sofa where we both had watched the entire game up until this point.

It was then that Jacob asked me; “When you’re team is getting slaughtered, do you like to change the channel to just some random show out of disgust?”

“No (irritated)…I like to let the Mavs toy with my emotions…I’m sick like that”, I respond.

About 15 minutes later I’m sitting on my coffee table, my face about 4 feet from my TV rubbing my palms together as the Mavericks grab a Thabo Sefolosha rebound and march down the court, down by 2 points with about 18 seconds left on the clock. Carlisle doesn’t call a timeout. Kidd begins to run the pick and roll with the best player on the planet, Dirk Nowitzki. The clock is dwindling; 10 seconds…9…8…(I’m now crouched in front of my TV). Dirk slips the pick and gets a step on the trailing Nick Collison. Immediately Kidd sees the opening and threads the needle to Dirk and Collison grabs Dirk around his waist and pulls himself ahead to deflect the pass. out of bounds. Foul on Dirk. There’s an explosion of joy in my living room. Dirk Calmly sinks the two free throws to tie the game. Jacob (now standing up behind my sofa, pacing, both hands on his head) and I look at each other.

“Can you believe this?”

“No (shaking head, perplexed). No I can’t. This is unreal. I can’t think of anything like this since the Portland collapse against The Lakers”, Jacob responds.

So you know how the story ends. Kevin Durant and The Thunder get the ball back with a almost 7 seconds left and as they have all season long, get a horrible shot off in the closing seconds of a close game. A shot  that’s ultimate blocked by Shawn Marion (who by the way, played the defensive game of his life). The Mavs would go on to win 112-105 in possible the most thrilling Mavs game I’ve seen since Calvin booth hit a layup with 3 seconds left in Game 5 against the Utah Jazz in Salt Lake City in the 2001 NBA Playoffs.

There’s nothing better in sports than when you witness a ‘Moment’; a game that you know you’ll remember until your dying day and a day that you can recollect and relive for many years. Dirk’s Game 7 Winner against San Antonio in the 2006 Western Conference Finals definitely qualifies but for me this was much sweeter because it was so unexpected. The Mavs could have been content with the split having recapture home court and the series tied 2-2, but they showed championship mettle and completed the most improbably comeback in recent NBA Playoffs history.

Such a great time to be a Mavericks Fan.

Nothing says class like 'dating' a Doctor!

This chant has probably been heard in every NBA city when the Lakers are visiting. The question it begs however is why are the LA Lakers the only team with their own chant? The simple answer is that everyone hates the Lakers because they’ve won 16 titles. The complex answer is that there’s a large faction of sports fans that don’t really hate the Lakers as much as they do Lakers ‘fans’ and that makes it so satisfying to rub their noses in it just a little more than you would your random NBA fan. I’m included in this faction of the basketball world.

Allow me to clarify this; first off, I don’t hate Magic Johnson, Kareem, Worthy, Michael cooper, Shaq, Kobe, fisher, Big Shot Rob, Phil Jackson, Jerry Buss or even the Laker girls. I hate Laker “fans”. I’m not talking about the guy in Compton. I’m not even talking about that surfer guy in Malibu or that hard core fan in Long beach. This applies to everyone outside of Orange County.

You see, since my Mavericks eliminated the Lakers this week, I’m in a generous mood. This applies to every “fan” outside of Southern California. I’m talking about you court-side Mr. Courtside Celebrity.

Way to go out on a limb John Cena

I’m talking to you Ms. CW TV Starlet whose agent just landed her tickets on celebrity row and who texts the whole game thus disrespecting any real fan. You Laker’s fans who are “from Memphis Tennessee” but are always court-side cheering for the Lake-show. I’m talking about you Laker “fan” from (insert NBA city here).

Yes you bandwagon Laker “fan”.  Let me clarify that when I call you a bandwagon fan what I mean.  I don’t mean that you are a fair-weather fan. Some of you may be legitimate die hards. Your crime is this: you have the fortunate situation to have an NBA team in your town, but you took this for granted. Not every big city has this (just ask Seattle). But not only did you decide to not follow your home team, you chose the biggest, baddest boy on the block. In other words, you took the easy way out.

Being a fan is like being married – there are good times and there are bad times, for better or for worse.

Being a hometown fan is a kin to marrying your high school sweet heart. It’s your first love, you are from the same place and you are together until death do pulls you apart. While being a bandwagon fan is like being a gold digger. You could have married that good ole boy down the street who is working hard to earn a living. But no…you married rich and took the easy way out.

The working man works for every dime he gets and during a recession finds a way to survive. But for the rich man, during the recession, he goes from a billionaire to a millionaire.

Who's a douchey Lakers fan and has two thumbs?

For the Lakers, a bad year is a year when you do not win finals. A tough year is a year you barely make the playoffs. A lost year is a year you are in the lottery. Do you think the fans of Charlotte will ever feel that way? They were so happy to make it to last year’s tournament. Do you think the fans of Memphis get this? They are beside themselves to get out of the first round and are on an amazing ride this year. Do you think the fans of Dallas get this? Their lone finals appearance ended in a second place finish.

In a way, I feel sorry for you Laker “fan”. You will never understand the true joy of sports; the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat. What makes those victories so sweet is overcoming adversity. It’s being a fan of a 13 win team in 90s. It’s being a terrible expansion franchise. It’s being a franchise that you swore was cursed but then feeling the thrill of rising from this to the top. Isn’t that why people love the Rocky movies or any sports movie for that fact?

But you Laker “fan”… you only know the thrill of victory. Your family will always have money because “your” franchise has an amazing legacy, “your team” plays in a glamorous city that you’ve probably never been to and play on national TV every week. “Your team” will always find ways to win and will always find ways to the top. But who do you respect more – the loyal hometown girl who stood by her man as he went from nothing to become a millionaire and continued to support him after he made his millions or the girl with all the plastic surgery who went from a millionaire to a billionaire?
Now, the same could be said for Yankee fans or Dallas Cowboys fans.

As a hardcore fan of the Cowboys I must say, I can see why you hate us. We call ourselves “America’s Team” because, everywhere in America, someone has jumped on our bandwagon. Again, that’s their right. But the real reason you hate us is because we win – although not recently or anytime in the last 15 years (that’s a story for another day). That’s another reason why I hate you Lakers. You win. I’m jealous of you, Laker fan in Compton, Laker fan in Inglewood, Long Beach and Orange County. I’m jealous that you seem to get an annual parade. But, as for you Laker “fan” in (insert NBA city here)… I’m not jealous of you – you gold digger!

Lebron James

So the dust has settled and Lebron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade are ‘taking their talents’ to (or in Wade’s case, remaining in) South Beach and the Miami Heat. Talking heads everywhere are sounding off on Lebron. Cleveland is beyond crushed. I’ve never been there before but I imagine the entire Northeast Ohio area now looking like nothing short of a Mad Max like post-apocalyptic wasteland.  This NBA season will feature the first time in my short lifetime that I’ve felt an American athlete might have to fear fans for his life when Lebron heads to Cleveland wearing his shiny new #6 Heat uniform. It’s comparable to the way South Americans feel about their soccer heroes after a failure of epic proportions. So as I was glued to the TV for the last week or so, gobbling every Ric Bucher, Chris Broussard and Mark Stein ‘report’ for nuggets of information that would dictate the NBA balances of power for at least the next 5 years (and probably longer), the following conversation takes place in my house:

My Wife: Why’s everyone so mad at Lebron James for going to Miami??
Me: Well it’s not only that he went to Miami, it’s how he did it.
Wife: What do you mean? Did he lie about where he was going to go?
Me: uhm…no, not reall-
Wife: Did he break a contract?
Me: no….it’s just tha-
Wife: Where would you rather go Miami or Cleveland??
Me [irritated, eyes closed, shaking head]: You don’t get it. How can I explain….

Let’s say you’re a run of the mill, pimple faced boy in junior high. You’re pretty average. You meet a girl who sees something special in you. Let’s call this girl Khloe. Khloe’s not a 10. In fact, She isn’t even a 7. At her best she could sniff a 6.5 but Khloe isn’t at her best every day. The biggest things Khloe has going for her is that she loves you with all her heart and see’s more in you than you see in yourself. Because of Khloe’s undying love for you (and your lack of options), you in turn, fall in love with Khloe. Because you’re only a 5 yourself you actually feel somewhat fortunate to have scored a girl who’s your equal.

Khloe

The years go by, and your acne starts clearing up. The ladies start to notice. By your freshman year in high school you can date almost any girl in school but you now love Khloe more than ever. You’re oblivious to other girls. By your senior year you’re a bonafide stud and any girl at your school would call herself lucky to be your girlfriend. In the waaaay back of your mind, you know you can do better  but you are loyal to Khloe. You are loyal to the one who was loyal to you. Everyone admires your loyalty. Even the girls who are constantly running mad game at you can respect someone with such noble virtues. Khloe takes notice of the attention and counts her lucky stars to have put all her eggs in one basket and have it pay off.  As a result, you now have the love of everyone in school, not only for being talented, attractive and smart but for handling all these talents and gifts with the grace and humility that most could not dream of.

High school ends. Khloe and you get married. You have kids. You start your own business which everyone predicts will be a great success because you have all the tools to make it successful. You prove them correct. In fact your business is successful beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. Now not only are you good looking, personable and humble but you’re now loaded as well. Khloe on the other hand while  happy, is beginning to get a little insecure about her relationship with you. A little back story on Khloe;  Khloe’s father died when she was young and her mother is a raging alcoholic all of which have left her with abandonment issues. Her life had been one train wreck after another. Until she met you that is. You’re her knight in shining armor. Now suddenly you’re surrounded by people who are much smarter than she is, women who are much prettier and truth be told, you’ve outgrown Khloe and she knows it. You could have not only any woman in town but within a 100 mile radius and this eats at Khloe. Khloe starts to act out of insecurity and get’s into shape, loses 15 pounds and starts going to college so she can hang with all your buddy’s intellectual wives when they come over for dinner.  You, on the other hand see this as somewhat pathetic and desperate. What reason have you ever given her to feel this way? None!

Years go by, your success grows and you start to hear people whisper ‘why’s he with her???’ everywhere you go together. You start to ask yourself this same question. This is only made worse by the fact that Khloe now gets botox done weekly, is on Prozac at all times and is psychotically hounding you, checking your text messages, reading into everything you’re saying and constantly asking you to tell her you love her. You’ve now achieved almost everything you’ve ever wanted but count yourself as an unhappily married man. You make up your mind you owe it to yourself to ‘see what’s out there’ and evaluate all your options in order to make a decision on your relationship with Khloe.

So after you spend some time looking around and checking things out, you narrow your big decision down to four different women. They are as follows:

Jessica 

The New York Knicks

Jessica is an understated yet sophisticated, beautiful woman. She’s definitely a solid 9 at this point but with a little effort she could easily be a 10 in a room full of 10s. She’s achieved enough success in life that she certainly doesn’t need you but together you two could go down as the ultimate ‘it’ couple. Her only knock is she too has been a little down on her luck and has been with some really douche baggy type guys for the past few years that has put her in somewhat of a desperate state of mind. There is  however no disputing that you and Jessica could very well conquer the world together with a break here or there.

Jennifer

The Chicago Bulls

The next girl is Jennifer. She’s a few years older than you and has more experience but other than that she is very similar to Jessica. She’s also beautiful, sophisticated and successful. Jennifer though single now, is very well established professionally and personally and is not desperate at all. In fact, Jennifer was married to, without question, the most successful man on the planet for years. Although they’re no longer together, it would be impossible to expect to achieve the same level of success and even if you did, it would be equally impossible to win Jennifer’s heart in the same manner that her ex did. It’s just not going to happen. The cool part is that she understands no one can stack up to her ex and she’s accepted that she needs to let go of the past. All that being said, Jennifer is a finished product and would be the best compliment to you right now but her ceiling isn’t quite as high as Jessica’s.

Eva 

The Miami Heat

Last of the new girls is Eva. Eva’s a bit of a train wreck. So much so, that while this whole shopping around thing is an insult to Kloe, the fact that you could even consider leaving Khloe for Eva is a slap in the face to everyone who knows you because she’s the complete opposite of everything you’ve been about up until this point. You’re classy, she’s trashy. You’re humble, she’s obnoxious. You’re all about character and Eva has none. You’re modest and she, admittedly, is a bit of a slut. Eva can’t sniff the sophistication of Jessica or Jennifer but she’s with out a doubt the sexiest pick. She has fake boobs, hair extensions, and she’s from south America and barely speaks English. She’ll more than likely leave you if you ever get fat or lose your money. But, the short lived time you spend with her could also make your head spin around your head exorcist-style and in case you were wondering, that’s definitely a good thing.

So here we have Jessica with her potential, Jennifer who’s ready to be your dream wife now and Eva with enough sex appeal to make a porn star blush. Let’s not forget Khloe who during your travels, who besides being the mother of your children has gotten into half decent shape. She’s lost 15 pounds, been dieting and tanning and actually is a fairly attractive woman. She’s been with you from day one and she’s believed in you since well before you believed in yourself. That still counts for something right?

No matter what, if you pick any of these women over Khloe, she’s going to be crushed. But each woman will represent a different level of crushedness if you will. If you pick Jessica or Jennifer, nobody would like it but everybody would understand. Yes, your family and friends would chastise you for a few months but deep down, they know Khloe is tough to live with and, you reason, they would definitely have done the same thing a long time ago.  Hell, even Khloe would get it deep down. She knows she’s holding you back and as pissed as she would be for the first couple of years, she would eventually be happy to see you achieve what you’re capable of because at the end of the day, Khloe loves you and wants what’s best for you.

Now Eva on the other hand…you leaving Khloe for Eva would be the ultimate slap because of all the things that you’ve been telling Khloe aren’t important to you (i.e. looks and a killer body) Eva embodies these shallow qualities and offers not much else of substance. You being with Eva would mean your a fraud on some level and that all this talk about ‘it’s what’s inside that counts’ was all B.S. To top it off you and everyone else know that Eva would leave you in heartbeat if someone more attractive or more successful came along. You couldn’t get anyone who knows you to co-sign this move, ever. Again, it’s just a bad idea that Eva is even part of the conversation.

So by now, everyone close to you knows you’re weighing your options. Some are offended, some say ‘more power to him’. Everyone, including Jennifer, Jessica, Eva and Khloe, know that The Decision is coming soon. You decide that since this whole thing is so public, you might as well get everything out in the open and make a public decision during a huge dinner party not too far from where Jessica lives. This pisses off all the girls but at the end of the day, what matters most to them is being chosen. Jessica is hopeful but realistic. Jennifer isn’t too worried, either way she’ll have options. Khloe is a bit concerned but has convinced herself that her loyalty to you will ultimately win you over and that your marriage will be even stronger than before after this whole charade. Eva, on the other hand is downright smug. It’s like she knows something that no one else does.

So the big day arrives and all your friends and family show up hoping you do the right thing and stay with your wife and kids. Eva and Khloe both arrive around the same time. You get a text shortly before the Dinner starts that Jennifer and Jessica are canceling. Turns out Jennifer met a guy and Jessica sort of knows she’s not the pick. So suddenly it’s down to Eva and Khloe. Everyone is nervous as you stand up and declare “this is difficult, but I’m going to be leaving Khloe for Eva”. Khloe instantly falls to her knees and weeps like a child. Your kids, who are in attendance, start to throw family pictures in the fire. This makes you tear up for a moment until you tell yourself, ‘hey, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs” and you coldly tell them your sorry for the way things ended and in the same breath begin to make out with Eva in front of the dinner party.

Wife: So Khloe’s like the Cavaliers?
Me: Yep.
Wife [piecing it all together, eyes darting back and forth]: hrrmm…and Jessica and Jennifer are?
Me: The Knicks and The Bulls.
Wife: Oh….I see…..
Wife [now scowling]: ….Lebron is a Punk!!
Me [relieved]: Exactly.

1. Kobe Bryant is still the best player in the NBA- The NBA season is 82 games….. And then some. Kobe knows this, a certain other All-star and free agent is still figuring it out. Lebron has won consecutive MVP awards the last two years….so has Kobe, the difference is Kobe has done it in the Finals and taken home 2 rings. Kobe and Lebron both faced the Celtic’s and both faced 3-2 deficits. Kobe again showed that he is the true king of the NBA by leading his team to victory in game 6 and hitting big shots in the 4th of game 7. Regardless of where James ends up once free agency starts in July, when October rolls around and the season tips off, he’ll still be the 2nd best player.

2. Jerry Buss better pay Phil whatever he wants- Jerry Buss has hinted throughout the season that he wants Phil Jackson back with the Lakers next season….at a reduced price. Jerry Buss is about to foul up the same way Jerry Jones did with Jimmy Johnson. The Jerry’s want to have there cake and eat it too. They want their Championships but they want them on their terms. Now this isn’t too say that Dr.Buss is an owner that tries to control every aspect of the team like Mr. Jones does but the similarities are there. The Cowboys had just come off back to back titles, just like the Lakers, before Jimmy Johnson the Cowboys were an average team at best, before The Lakers hired Jackson they were underachievers. Bottom line Jerry, don’t ruin a good thing and don’t fix what isn’t broken, to take a line from John Malcovich in “Rounder’s”…”Pay that man his money”.

3. Boston’s 2008 Title is still fraudulent- I’m a big believer in earning things, I’ve never been given anything, this applies to sports teams as well and players. Prior to The Celtic’s 2008 title they were one of the worst teams in the NBA, they knew it, the fans knew it. So they did something about it, they picked up Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett through trades. All of a sudden there a stud team that rolls through the regular season with ease, and they were cocky about it too. Garnett walked around like he’d been winning for years, not liked his season always ended in April. They get through a tough round against the Atlanta Hawks and basically cruise to the finals, and an NBA Championship. My problem with this Championship is there were no growing pains; they didn’t have to walk before they ran. They made a couple trades, put a team together that looked great on paper and boom instant Championship. They didn’t put in the elbow grease that the Pistons, Spurs, Rockets, Bulls and Lakers did. It came way to easy and in my mind it’s a fraudulent title. Now had they pulled off a win against the Lakers in game 7, it would of brought some credibility to there 2008 title. This year they fought there way through the regular season and came together in the playoffs and 5 points from a Championship. This 2010 Boston team is more of a Champion than the one in 2008.

4. There are Championship franchises and there’s everyone else- The Lakers, Bulls, Spurs, Celtics, Pistons have have combined to win 26 titles since 1980, only the Heat, Sixers, and Rockets have won the Championship in that time frame. Is this by chance, hardly, these teams want to win, and they know how to win. Now on the other end of the spectrum you have the Mavericks, Magic, Jazz, Cavilers, Suns who have combined to win zero Championships………..ever, yes they have great regular season and make playoff runs here and there, but at the end of the day they don’t have to will and desire to be an NBA Champion. So if you’re a fan of one these other teams, I applaud your loyalty but lower your expectations and the heart break won’t hurt so badly.

5. Teams have no loyalty for there coach- I repeat 5 teams have won 26 out of the last 30 titles. Why do I repeat that, because teams are so quick to fire there coach when they don’t reach the NBA finals or win the title. Only 1 team goes on vacation truly happy each year, every other team goes back to the drawing board. So why are coaches fired every year? Why is it soon after a playoff run are coach’s given there walking papers? Is there a great coach available? Sometimes, but rarely, normally teams just end up trading coaches or bringing a fired coach from years past in. So instead of letting a coach finish what he’s started you start over with a new coach and new system. Do NBA GM’s really think that Zen Masters grow on trees, because they don’t? It’s a sad reality but unless your last name is Jackson, Popovich, Brown or Sloan, you don’t have any job security as an NBA coach. Just ask Mike Brown and Mike Woodson who were shown the door last month after losing in the 2nd round of the playoffs.

6. David Stern needs to get the officiating under control-Late in the regular season David Stern made a threat of sorts that verbally abusing officials would no longer be tolerated. Bigger fines and even suspension would be handed down to players, coaches, GM’s, and yes even owners (sorry Mark Cuban). After watching these years’ playoffs, maybe he should reevaluate that stance and take a hard look at why players and coaches have been complaining. NBA refs have more control over a game then any official in any sport. There has to be more consistency from the refs, one ref calls it one way, another calls it different. The finals were the worst officiated series this side of D-Wade shooting 25 foul shots in game 5. Whether it was Ray Allen breathing on Fisher or Kobe getting cheap fouls from down-town. Not saying they were favoring the Lakers because the calls were bad all the way around. Bottom line Stern, changes must be made.

7. George Karl is underrated- In 2009 no team pushed The Lakers harder than the Denver Nuggets. Enter the 2009-2010 season, San Antonio has added Jefferson, Blair, Mcdyess, Orlando adds Carter and Barnes, Cleveland trades for Jamison, Dallas trades for Butler and Haywood, Denver makes no major changes. Though out most of the season Denver’s strategy seemed to be working out, they held on to the 2nd best record in the west for most of the season. In the middle of the season George Karl was diagnosed with cancer and would go on to miss most of the regular season and the entire playoffs. Denver started dropping games they’d normally win, they were very beatable at home, there offense was awful, and they dropped to the 4th seed and a first round matchup with Utah that they would lose. Now I have a hard time believing any of these things would have happened it Karl had been there coaching the entire time. Karl has always been labeled a coach that can’t win the big game, not a championship coach. I’ve been one of those people, I may still be one of those people, maybe he’ll never win the big game, and maybe he’ll never make it back to the finals. I don’t know, and honestly I don’t really care. All I know is this, George Karl is a hell of coach and Denver is lucky to have him.

8. West is still the best- This really isn’t anything new, so I’m going to make this short and sweet. Let’s forget about the fact that the west has won 9 out of the last 12 championships (Lakers 5, Spurs 4). Lets talk about the fact that seeds 5-8 in the east wouldn’t of made playoffs if they were in the west, lets talk about the fact that the team that pushed The Lakers to a game 7 and 5 points from winning a title would have been an 8th seed in the west. Hopefully Lebron, Wade, Bosh, and Johnson all stay in the East, and hopefully they can attract some other free agents to join them in the East, personally I’d love to see Dirk suit up for the Eastern All-stars next year.

9. The Thunder are for real- The Portland Trailblazers are still kicking themselves for passing up on Kevin Durant. The Blazers mistake is the Thunder’s fortune. The Thunder pushed the now back to back champs to a game 6 and if it weren’t for a put back with less than a second left by Gasol a game 7. This team is scary, athletic, well coached, and best of all there young. This team will continue to improve and I won’t be surprised if there in the finals within the next 3 years.

10. The Spurs are not done yet- Yes I sound like a homer and I am, but think about it. Lots of people thought the Mavericks had the best chance to challenge the Lakers in the West, and San Antonio took them out in 6 games. They will return all key players and all should be healthy. Blair will have a year under his belt and Hill is only going to get better. If Pop can keep Duncan’s minutes down and get this team back to the playoffs healthy, they have a good chance of doing some damage in the playoffs next year. They have a bad taste in there mouth on how there season ended to Phoenix and will be more focused then ever.

One of my biggest regrets as a basketball fan is how I treated Michael Jordan in his prime. You see, I’ve always been a die hard hoops fan for as long as I can remember but despite how cool Jordan was and how much I loved his shoes, I remained (and still remain) a homer. The Rockets were my team and Akeem/Hakeem (there never was or will there ever be a better highlight reel for a center) was the man. I loved the Rockets, loved Rudy T, loved Robert Horry (before he was big shot Rob) and even loved Sam Cassell (this love ended in the latter part of his career). One of the best kept secrets of the 90′s was that the Rockets played the Jordan led Bulls better than any other team in the NBA.  So because of my allegiance to the Houston Rockets, I always found myself rooting for a Bulls/Rockets Finals which, as you know, never came to be (thanks to a prison rape foul on Clyde Drexler by Karl Malone that allowed John Stockton to hit this shot). So in my mind, The Rockets were forever under appreciated, never given their due and The Bulls just happened to become the target of all my basketball hatred. I was a hater, I hated Jordan, I hated the refs kissing his butt, I hated Charles Barkley kissing his butt and laughing with him in the 93 Finals. But then a funny thing happened; Jordan retired after the 98′ Finals and there was this vacuum, this void left in his wake. Suddenly I couldn’t change the channel when ESPN classic showed a Jordan game. Suddenly, Iverson’s crossover wasn’t popping off quite the way it was when he did Jordan. Then came these rumors that MJ might come back with the Wizards and I was re-invigorated. Was this my chance to enjoy Jordan, a chance to finally see him in person? Well the answer is sort of, and yes, respectively. Jordan came back and had a pretty much uneventful run with the Wizards as a shadow of his former self. Besides a monster block on Ron Mercer and a quasi playoff run, Jordan clearly was no longer Air Jordan. I even got to see him play for the first time of my life against the Dallas Mavericks in an overtime game that Jordan, ironically enough, missed the game winner of at the end of regulation. He just wasn’t the same.  Till this day I always wish I could go back and just enjoy rooting for Jordan and not rooting for the Stockton/Malones & Payton/Kemps of the world.

Enter Jordan 2.0, Kobe Bryant. Once Kobe turned the greatness corner and started racking up the titles, I told myself I wasn’t going to make the same mistake that I made for Jordan. I could still be a homer (now with the [sigh] Dallas Mavericks) and enjoy Kobe. Despite the attitude. Despite the wack Adidas shoes. Despite the contrived image. Despite getting punked by Chris Childs. Despite the ill advised Rap Album. Despite the [gulp] rape charges. Despite selling out Shaq to the cops.  Despite all of this, I told myself that Kobe is Jordan reincarnate and I owed it to myself to appreciate his game and not be a hater this time around. So I jumped on the Kobe bandwagon. As long as he wasn’t playing the Mavericks, I rooted for Kobe. I was convinced Kobe would reward my loyalty with multiple titles and cooler shoes as he entered the last third or so of his career. But while the shoes got undoubtedly cooler, he’s not delivered the titles the way Jordan did. In fact, in the Game 7 of the second round of the 2006 playoffs against the Phoenix Suns, Kobe forever tarnished his reputation by literally mailing in the second half of the game (fast forward to the 3:16 point in the video). Kobe got ‘never will be as good as Jordan’ written in permanent ink next to his name in my book (btw, I know it’s early, but LeBron has it written in pencil next to his name right now after mailing in Games 4-6 against the Celts this year). Then comes the 2008 unraveling at the hands of the Celtics (the fakest, most wannabe gangster team this side of Detroit) which everyone blamed on his supporting cast. Sure he won last year against against a Magic team that was softer than Teddy Ruxpin, but had he lost, Kobe’s place in NBA history would be very much in limbo – in other words, he had to win.  So now here we are in 2010; The Lakers down 3-2 against the Celtics in the NBA Finals.  Lose one Finals (post Shaq) and we’ll chalk it up to too much finesse and no support.  Lose this series however, with undoubtedly the more talented team and the strongest supporting cast in the entire league, and now the conversation changes from ‘Who makes the top 5 all time; Kobe or Kareem?’ to ‘Yeah, Kobe was a stud, but he couldn’t elevate his team the way MJ, Magic and Bird did’. It’s that simple. If Kobe loses this series, he will always be remembered as a great but flawed player.

With Game 6 tomorrow, literally everything is on the line for Kobe. Does he deserve a seat at the table of NBA Legends with Bird, Russell, Kareem, Magic and Jordan? Or is he a second tier great like Big O, Hakeem, Wilt, Duncan and West? I can’t tell you that right now, but we’ll be much closer to the answer by Thursday night. Let’s see what you got Kobe.

Dear Kobe,

Really? When you put this on and looked in the mirror, what was going through your head? Better yet, who made you do this? You know what, forget I asked. Here’s some advice though; in the future if anyone asks why you did this just say you lost a bet with Sasha Vujacic. It’s really the only acceptable answer to that question. It HAS to be Sasha too…nobody will believe you if you say anyone else here (ok, maybe Pau but let’s stick with Sasha, it’s safer).

P.S. A good rule of thumb going forward: ask yourself, would my puppet be allowed to wear this?

Sincerely,

Concerned Hoops Fan

1. Kobe and the Lakers aren’t right
Anyone watching the Lakers this post season can tell you that these Lakers aren’t right. The thing you keep hearing about from all these talking heads is that these Lakers are ‘old’. What?? isn’t this the same team that this summer had everyone saying they’ll contend for the next 5 years because they locked up Gasol, Bynum, Artest and Kobe long term? And now, not even a year into this they’re too old? Doesn’t add up for me. These guys have one problem in my opinion, and it’s a lack of chemistry. When you see this team play, one thing is crystal clear; they don’t like each other. Everyone on this team seems scared of Kobe (except maybe Artest) and it also seems that Kobe’s ultimate agenda is to add to his legacy. There’s no doubt in my mind Kobe would be furious if the Lakers won the title but Bynum or Gasol was named the Finals MVP. I’d challenge you die hard Laker’s fans to present an argument otherwise. This in my opinion is the problem for the Lakers. It’s what prevents the role players from diving for loose balls and taking charges – things that are critical to a team facing an ultra scrappy, super athletic team like the Thunder (speaking of super athletic, did you see this dunk on Lamar Odom?). Maybe the Lakers are just too cool, too Hollywood to be concerned about the NBA and all it’s trappings.

On another note, if the Thunder somehow pull off this upset, is this the greatest 1st round upset of all time? My list of 1st round upsets goes like this right now 1)2007 Mavericks beat by the Warriors 2)1994 Sonics beat by Denver (the ‘Mutombo Crying on the floor‘ series) 3)1999 Heat beat by the Knicks (Allen Houston Runner). Where would the Lakers getting beat by the Thunder rank in there? Well it depends. If Kevin Durant goes on to win multiple titles and MVPs for years to come, this upset will be seen more as Kevin Durant’s coming out party than an ‘upset’. A key ingredient in an upset being remembered as an upset is when the team doing the upset had no business winning. If Durant is destined for NBA greatness, then his greatness will tarnish the upset shine of the series. I don’t think Kobe will let that happen though. I’m 100% certain that for the Thunder to win they’ll have to beat Kobe in ‘NBA 2K9′ mode in a Game 7 in LA for that to happen and if you haven’t played NBA 2K9, I’ll just tell you it’s the most infuriating, unfair and entertaining experience to play against the Lakers when Kobe’s in this mode. Factor in the my Puppets Theory, and there’s no way the Lakers lose this series. Ok, there’s a way, but it’s highly unlikely. Ok, it’s just unlikely.

2. NBA officials hate the Mavericks
I’m a Mavericks Homer. I admit it. Get your jokes in. The Mavericks are slowly becoming the Buffalo Bills of the NBA and subsequently shaving years off my life. But do you know who I’m going to hold accountable for my early demise? These people, in this order; 1) Bennett Salvatore, 2) Danny Crawford, 3) Dwyane Wade, 4) Don Nelson, 5) David Stern Rick Carlisle and 6) David Stern. I’m not a conspiracy theorist but you can’t convince me that the NBA officials don’t gather around the water cooler at NBA HQ and talk about their disdain for the Mavericks and The Great Mark Cuban. And they screwed us again this year with the Spurs. I went to 2 of the games in person in this year’s Spurs/Mavs Series and before I go any further let me tell you two things about myself; I’m a die hard basketball fan and as much as love the Mavs, but I’m a fan of the game 1st. I have the ability to be objective about my team. I know Mark Cuban acts like whiny punk (still love him though – Cuban is the Kobe of owners…controversial, polarizing but unquestionably one of the top owners in all of sports). I know you think Dirk’s soft (he’s not soft though, he’s just not dominant – there’s a difference) and I know why you think this. I know Dallas has a reputation as a pompous, stuck up, ‘we’re the LA of of the south’ attitude (this is true). You see, this ability to be objective is the equivalent of having sub 4.3 40 speed in the world of sports fandom: It’s almost unheard of.

So, with that being said, I can tell you the Mavericks didn’t do everything they could to win this series. Their role players didn’t make big shots (especially Terry), their defense didn’t get stops in crunch time and Rick Carlisle has made some really poor coaching decision (benching Dirk after two fouls in Game 2 without putting Terry in the game, sticking with the small ball lineup WAAAYYYY too long in game 3, not starting Haywood (until game 5 last night which we won by 21 points), and the biggest error; sitting a red scorching hot Roddy Beaubois (who’s going to be very good btw) until the end of game 6 in favor of a 0-6 Jason Terry). So again, I admit that we didn’t play well and we didn’t do everything we could to win but any Spurs fan who has any sort of real basketball knowledge will tell you the Spurs didn’t either. They had a sub par series and yet they won 4-2. How’s that, you ask? Simple, the Officials. They detest the Mavericks.

There are two types of calls in basketball; easy calls (obvious fouls, 24 shot clock violations, etc.) and 50/50 calls (charge vs. block, players flopping, tipped rebounds going out of bounds – you get the picture). In this series, the Mavericks are getting about 35-40% of the ’50/50′ calls and we’re even losing some of the easy calls. While 40% may not seem like a really bad percentage, keep in mind we lost games 3 & 4 points by a combined 7 points. The most egregious call of all was in the 4th quarter of game 4 , with the score tied in a pressure cooker, Dirk drives and scores the layup over Matt Bonner (aka Ginger) who slides under him with his heal (maybe, maybe not) on the ‘no charge line’ and shocker, it’s a charge. Now, I know you can argue both sides of this call but my point here is this; this is a 50/50 call that swung this game in San Antonio’s favor (we lost by three), in a game where San Antonio was already getting more calls than us. Ok, so maybe I’m whining a bit too but you gotta give me this; the refs hate the Mavs. It’s as clear as day.

3. The Celtics have turned it on
I hate saying this, but the Celtics could make the Finals. The fakest, most wannabe-gangster team in the NBA had a match lit under them. I don’t know why but if you could bottle up whatever they’re drinking right now, Jerry Buss would charter a plane from LA to come pick up a case for his ailing Lakers. Paul Pierce has been money, KG is looking like he at least deserves to be in the NBA and even Big Baby is showing some signs of his 09′ Orlando Series self. One thing’s clear, they have their mojo going right now and nobody is excited about playing them. Quentin Richardson hasn’t made such a positive impact on a team since his days in Phoenix.

4. D-Wade can’t be thrilled about coming back to this team

While I still think that he’s going to come back, I think the only way it happens is if another star comes with him. There’s nobody on this team for D-Wade to grow old with. Michael Beasley? Please, B-Easy is one of the few players that it’s honestly going to be a coin flip whether he’s an All-star or, out of The League completely, in the next 5 years. You know the last player I said that about? Tim Thomas. The best thing that The Heat have going for it is the city of Miami. Players love Miami. Many of them live there. If you’ve ever been there, I don’t care where you’re from (exception; MAYBE New Orleans), one thing is remarkably clear from the moment you step off the plane (or boat?): lots of dreadlocks. Even white people have dreadlocks in Miami. So why does any of this matter and how is it relevant to Dwyane Wade and the Heat? Well here’s my theory; Chris Bosh has dreadlocks, he’s in the NBA, he’s young, he’s rich (and about to be richer) and because of all this, he’s a LOCK for Miami. Bet the house, Bosh is coming to Miami. Factor in outrageous Canadian taxes, Hedo Turkey-Glue’s franchise crippling contract, and the lack of dreadlocks in Toronto (if you think I’m kidding about this dreadlocks theory, I’m not) and there’s no way he re-signs. NO. WAY. If I’m wrong and Bosh doesn’t come, kiss Wade goodbye Heat fans. He’s not coming back to play with Dorrell Wright and Mario Chalmers.

5. The Wild West – I’m not a NBA stat nerd. I don’t necessarily dislike NBA stat nerds like John Hollinger or Henry Abbott but I think at the end of the day, you either know basketball or you don’t. I didn’t need a +/- sheet in front of me ten years ago to know that Allen Iverson’s 32 points were less valuable than Kobe’s 23 points. Put me in a basketball gym full of NBA players and let me and John Hollinger pick teams and my money’s on my team winning more than John Hollinger’s. Of course any Joe Shmoe can say this (this would be a great reality show right?) but this is my blog and damnit, I believe it. So as I digress, let me get to my point; I think this is the most stacked lineup in either conference in NBA history but I refuse to look up the stats to prove it. Hey, I’m not an NBA stat geek. I just know the game. I’m a throwback of sorts when it comes to blogging and this year’s western conference is a throwback to the days when there were only 11 teams in the entire league and you played everyone six times. Out of the 8 western conference teams, the only team that could lose in the first round and be called a legitimate upset is the Lakers. Seriously, I have a buddy who claims in his heart of hearts that he thinks the no.7 Spurs are a legit favorite to win over my beloved no.2 seed Mavericks. And you know what? Personal biases aside, he’s got a legit argument. When have you ever been able to say that about a 2-7 seed matchup?

4. Derrick Rose – I love Derrick Rose. If you’re an NBA fan, or ever played NBA video games, or ever did calf raises till you couldn’t walk the next day just so you could touch the rim, well then you love Derrick Rose too. I loved him at Memphis and I love him even more now. He had the nastiest dunk of the year and his high school highlight reel is second to none. My only question about him though is what’s his ceiling? What I mean by that is clearly he has all the physical tools. But my only concern is his demeanor…I mean who’s the last player who left his mark on this game without ever changing his expression?

So what I’m looking to learn about D-Rose this year is does he have another KJ over Hakeem like gear? He definitely will have the stage against Lebron and I’m excited to see what happens. I do know this; I happened to catch one of their regular season battles and this much was clear; Derrick Rose was not kissing Lebron’s a$$ the way he’s used to having it kissed and Lebron did not like it. So let’s just hope this series is 1/3 as entertaining as last years Bulls/Celtics series and we’ll all be winners.

3. Celtics Pride – I despise the Celtics. The 2008 Celtics and the 2004 Detroit Pistons are by far the most fraudulent NBA Champions in my 29 years on this earth and just like Detroit, I hope that Boston never, ever, ever, EVER repeats as champion. The way they gloated (just like Detroit) after winning 1 title was a joke. Kevin Garnett…before I shut this blog down I will dedicate a series of posts to why Kevin Garnett is the fakest, wannabe gangster-est, most p***y, overrated ‘Star’ in modern NBA History (do me a favor, take 5 minutes out of your busy blog reading time allotment and watch this video – it sums up my argument against KG. I literally laughed out loud at the 4:21 mark). Now throw in the way Paul Pierce went from having us wondering if both of his ACLs spontaneously combusted to coming back into the game and drilling big shot after big shot.

DO NOT get me started on everything that there is not to like about this team.  I asked a buddy of mine the other day who the most overrated player in the NBA is and as we widdled down the list, we realized the Celtics had 2 of the top 7 (Garnett, Wallace, and Ray Allen…for the record, I like Ray Allen but he’s still overrated) the only thing that would have made them more unlikable is if they traded for T-Mac which I hear almost happened around the trade deadline.  So what I’m hoping for this post season from the Celtics is a colossal melt down followed by Doc Rivers resigning to spend more time with his family only to accept the Bobcats head coaching vacancy three days later. Other than the Mavericks winning it all, nothing would bring me more joy this post season then seeing the hated Dwyane Wade methodically destroy that team. In this series (and only this series) D-Wade is the lesser of many evils.

2. The Puppets – I’m not certain that David Stern doesn’t already have an enlarged prostate but I am 100% sure that he pees himself a little bit every time he sees those Nike Lebron & Kobe Puppet commercials.

And as much as I would love to see my Mavericks make the Finals, as a basketball fan, nothing would be better for the game than to have these guys square off come June. Throw in the whole Shaq sub plot and you might just have the highest post Jordan TV ratings of all time. So here’s my position on this matchup; if (and only if – see below) the Mavericks are rightfully outed in the playoffs, I too, like the rest of the world, would love to see Kobe and Lebron battle for NBA supremecy. But here’s why I don’t think that will happen….

1. The Donaghy Factor – I am blown away that nowhere in this post season excitement, have I seen one article or commentator mention the biggest, most damaging blow the NBA has ever taken and how it’s going to effect this postseason. I mean do you guys remember the Sacramento-Lakers Series? The Mavs-Heat series? The Suns-Spurs series?? Hell even the Nuggets-Mavs Series last year was essentially decided by horrendous officiating. And this was all before Tim Donaghy came forward with a book saying that The League essentially dictated the outcomes of games in order to produce more favorable match ups. No matter which side of the equation you fall on whether you believe Donaghy or not (I believe about 50% of what he said if that makes sense), you can’t argue that this was a black eye for the league that was quickly dismissed by Stern and swept under the rug. So David Stern succeeded in his ability to do damage control and the mainstream media has let it go…but we haven’t played one NBA post season for all the marbles since. So now the pressure is on the NBA officials to call a clean accurate game or risk these old skeletons being dug up again. You can bet that between now and Saturday (the start of the playoffs) every ref has been briefed on how important it is to call these games accurately. So don’t expect the banter between Kevin Durant and Phil Jackson to affect officiating at all. The NBA simply has too much to lose by not getting the call right. Which, as a Mavs fan, is historically speaking, a good thing for us.